


I Won't Give Up

by HanEunSeom



Category: Oh My Girl (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Eating Disorders, F/F, I wont give up Jason Mraz, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanEunSeom/pseuds/HanEunSeom
Summary: In which Jiho is desperate to make Hyejin know, even if she's not awake, her feelings.





	I Won't Give Up

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!

Jiho wanted to cry.

 

Her nose was with that bad itchiness that would soon turn into a flooding mess; her eyes were burning and nothing could stop the tears from coming, not even her furiously blinking to not show how hurt she was; her throat was tight like a straw and her breath brought strangled, ugly noises. 

 

All the other members looked pretty much the same.

 

“I’m sorry,” Hyejin had whispered to her the night before and she thought it was nothing important. It was Shin Hyejin, Oh My Girl’s JinE, the strongest girl she had ever met. If something was wrong, they could prepare one of those bubble baths she loved so much, use that space bath bomb and wash the sadness away; they could discuss that the next day. That’s why Jiho kept quiet, squeezed her arm around Hyejin’s waist and let her tired body fall into a very needed sleep hoping that the older idol would do the same.

 

_ Goddammit.  _ It was her fault; their manager’s fault; everybody’s fault, wasn’t it? But mostly her fault, she was certain of that. How could she had not noticed? Of course, everyone was on a harsh diet, everyone had to follow strict eating codes; they couldn’t be overweight at all. However, now that she knew, Jiho felt her heart sink more and more in her chest. The signs were not obvious, but they were sure noticeable. Jiho should have discussed it yesterday, when she was still next to her, inside her arms.

 

Hyejin, her baby Hyejin, was now asleep inside a hospital room and Jiho couldn’t stop her loud, painful sobs. It wouldn’t take long for her parents to arrive and Jiho was ashamed; she had promised to Hyejin’s mother that they would take care of her daughter. Jiho promised that she would never let Hyejin be sad.

 

That was unacceptable. 

 

“Eonni,” she cried to herself, unnoticed by the other girls who were too caught up in their own suffering. “I’m so, so sorry.”

 

The words sounded empty now. They couldn’t do anything. Jiho couldn’t go back and make things right no matter how much she wanted. She couldn’t go inside that room, expect to fix Hyejin with just a hug and go back to their promotions with smiles and a happy heart. That was pathetic to think and Jiho knew that. 

 

She still needed to see Hyejin so bad, even if she didn't deserve it. But they didn’t let her in. Jiho threw a fit, just like a spoiled child who was forbidden to see her best friend. Jiho wanted to die.  _ Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in.  _ They were a group since 2015, why couldn’t they go in? How could they do that? How they dared to do that?!

 

… it was not after some days, when her hands stopped shaking due to the sleeping pills their leader forced her to take after she spent nearly 36 hours awake, that she managed to get her fingers on the paper and write messy, scrambled words, that were hurting inside her chest, down.

 

Jiho begged Hyejin’s mother to deliver that letter to Hyejin. The woman agreed and told her she would give it to the sleeping girl. 

 

Jiho had left the hospital when the worried mother curiously opened the letter and started reading it, tears quickly rushing down her chubby cheeks.

 

_ “Eonni,  _

 

_ I should start this by saying that I am sorry… I’m sorry. I really am.  _

 

_ And before you say that I have no fault, I know I have, we all do and I’m not hoping that you forgive any of us for this. In fact, I’ll perfectly understand if you never want to see us again, but I need to tell you something. I need that you know all of this, so bear with me, okay? _

 

_... _

 

_ Eonni, you are like... an old star that burned too bright, fell and we, mortals, were lucky to have in our planet. Your dark oceans that I always want to drown myself into, observe us and look at us like we are the most precious things in your life even if we don’t deserve it. Your smile, that can brighten up anywhere, is like a beautiful sunrise that comforts and tell us that no matter if we never got a first win, or even if we disband, we will always be together.  _

 

_ You are perfect. _

 

_ Eonni, you are young in human years, but when I watch you walk and talk, when I remember your story, I can’t help but wonder how old is your soul. I know how much you went through, I know what those four years of purely training did to you and I know how strong you are. I admire you so much. _

 

_ I just ask now, please, don’t… don’t give up.  _

 

_ I don’t mind if you give up on us, if you are fed up with me. It’s fine. As long as you are happy, it's perfectly fine. I just want you to be happy. _

 

_ Don’t give up on you; don’t live for the others either, live for yourself, eonni; I know how much you are hurting… in fact, no I don’t, I couldn’t possibly imagine how much that hurts, but no matter how much the skies get rough, you should still look up.  _

 

_ Wasn’t that what you always told me?  _

 

_ You told me once that you wanted to make the difference with your music and you are doing that. You already did. You don’t have to change yourself or force yourself to make a difference, you don’t have to sacrifice your life, your health. You can do anything you want by just being you. You changed me with just your smile, eonni. Imagine how much else you could do! _

 

_ I’m sorry for the dots with blurred ink, I’m not crying, I swear. I… I just miss you a lot. I miss your night sky eyes, I miss their deepness, I miss your scent, I miss your smile, I miss your voice, I miss your body. I miss you so much. _

 

_ If you need your space, it’s fine, it’s completely fine! We are going to suffer without you, but you can have the time you need to recover, to be yourself, to be healthy, to be happy. And in the end, if you still want me around, I’ll be ready to stand by your side. _

 

_ I will never give up on you. _

 

_ Don’t give up on yourself. _

  
_ I love you.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Something small, I know. I just love this song and I really wanted to do something for Oh My Girl. Especially with JinE. 
> 
> I hope it was fine. Thank you for reading it! Kudos?


End file.
